God works in obvious ways

Although it has felt like a mess of a mystery, I am beginning to see glimpses of why things have gone astray lately. The Lord loves for me to lean on Him, trust in Him, give Him His rightful control in my life (which I have an awful habit of snatching and attempting to do things in my own strength). I know, you may think I am strong, but that's just not so- I am weak and He is strong.
So I have sat myself down to tell you a tale of this last month of my life because I have promised the details, thank you for your patience! Fuffle is currently snuggled on my feet and I have peace in my heart.
Thursday August the 18th (4 weeks ago exactly) Kendall, Jayme, and I were traveling WEST. [Side note- Kendall and Jayme are two of the greatest friends I could ever ask for, and my favorite part is the Lord just gave 'em to me, I didn't even have to ask.] It was a 20 hour drive, we had some fun, we had tons of laughs, we got to my new home and job safely. Then all hell seemed to break loose. We arrived to find an awful living condition, we were in shock. Although the Program Manager had informed me Wednesday night (cars were all packed, we were leaving the next morning) that I would indeed have a roommate and our "apartment" was in the residential facility with the 54 girls there for treatment, I was not prepared becasue I was under the impression that I would have my own apartment on campus but seperate from the facility. The AC in the apartment was not working, the overhead light in the kitchen did not work, and the carpets were disguisting. I kept telling myself that when the Israelites entered the Promise Land they had to begin to fend for themselves, God was no longer providing manna. My friends appreciated my humble heart to make it work but didn't feel right about leaving without at least trying to find me a better living situation. We spent Saturday seaching and found some great posibilites. Unfortunately my Grandpa Darley passed away that morning, and on top of all my upset for having moved and feeling deceived, I was of little use. But God gave me Kendall and Jayme who were mighty warriors to persevere. At one point they just left me in the car and went and spoke with the apartment reps to gather information. We grabbed dinner then checked into a hotel. We were all pretty spent, our ability to think and funtion were hindered. It wasn't long before my keys were locked in my car, and minor melt-downs were occuring. But we got through it. Sunday morning I dropped them at the airport when I felt my heart breaking. How was I supposed to make it without them holding me up? I headed directly to the IHOP prayer room, where the Lord broke down my walls of survival mode. I spent Sunday evening with another friend the Lord has blessed me with, Sarah, she and I actually lived together back in Greenville before she moved out here 2 years ago (to get as far away from me as possible, haha, that's a joke- but seriously, neither one of us imagined we'd be good friends today. Sarah has been a great source of encouragement this past month as I have faced many challenges.)
Monday morning I met with my new boss to explore my living off campus (he clarified this is not an option), I asked if my rent could be less (not an option), I asked if the $500 I pay in rent could go back into the apartment for carpet and other needs (he didn't seem to take that option seriously). Meanwhile, he told me to be patient, treating me like I'm a snob to have standards. I left the meeting very discouraged, wondering if I was even suppossed to be under this man's authority. Tuesday morning I returned to the IHOP prayer room and was able to catch a spot for prophecy. The words I recieved were ON POINT, things like "God is going to bring clarity to what you're supposed to be doing" "opportunities to minister to kids who are spiritual orphans" "hiking up a mountain, on a hard journey by yourself, but there's joy in it, you're paving the way for the next generation". All that to say, I felt like the Lord confirmed my working and growing where He'd planted me. So I woke up Wednesday morning 100% committed to the job I came here for. I began training for my new job and a mere four hours later, my boss "let me go" becasue "it's not a good fit"... I was dumbfounded. I was confused, wondering 'Lord, I thought we talked about this and had it all figured out, I can overcome the circumstances...'
I spent the majority of Thursday at the IHOP prayer room, packed a lunch and everything. Crying, praying, searching, sitting at His feet, crying, praising, resting, you get the picture. As I was leaving, I saw a woman I'd met and prayed with on Tuesday, Deborah. I caught her up on the events which had occured, and she thought to connect me with a friend of her's, Ali. As I was jotting down my contact info for Deborah to give to Ali the next time she saw her, Ali walks in. Ya'll, this was a divine moment. I was still pretty beat and raw, but I told Ali a little about myself. She interrupted me to call her boss, Marilyn- founder of the Kansas City House of Hope. I had an interview with Marilyn the next morning. I decided to fast on Friday to seek clarity in what the Lord had for me- becasue I obviously could not figure it out. The interview went relatively well, I definitely had some hot mess moments which probably worked to my advantage. You see, it's my wrong thinking that I should have it all together, but Marilyn needed to see that I do not have it all together, that I am teachable. Friday night I met two of Sarah's friends, Ashley and Alyssa. Both of whom I adore. The next morning I moved in with Sarah and Alyssa because Ashley doesn't need her room until October 1st. I have so enjoyed calling this place home and am now searching for my next home. The journey continues and I am believing for great things.
After shadowing at the House of Hope, and then leading with Liz (whose been working there for 3 years) there to help when I needed it, I have been hired. Yes, praise God I am employed! I was made to help, my purpose in life is to assist in the healing process in an individual's life. I am so excited to work with the 9 girls who are currently there. It's going to rock my world, try my patience like nothing else. Let the stretching continue, the refining by fire. God has so many awesome plans for me.
There have been really rough times in the waiting, in the emotional rawness. My 27th Birthday (Sept 8th) was especially rough as I could not settle myself. I was restless, irritable, and discontent. But that passed. I have availed myself to people who build me up, share with and encourage me in the solution, pray for me, and listen as I go through difficult things. Going through is the important part, not just getting around it. Change can be exhilerating, but when it doesn't go my way, it's rather exhausting! The most exhausting part is rehearsing the negative events over and over, so I am glad it's all out in written form now! Things are looking up.
Lending hope is the name of the game. Earlier today I returned to the Health Department to get my negative TB test results and get he FLU shot. The nurse was a mess, I watched her as she spiraled out of control, for a selfish second I thought of myself and how I rather her not come near me with a needle. Then I snapped into reality, I have tools for getting through life that she needs. I waited for her to pause and asked if she knew the serenity prayer. She said she says it a thousand times a day (still super hyped up). I told her how it works better for me if I'll slow down or even stop, close my eyes, and then say it. She took a deep breath and realized I knew where she was coming from. She calmed down, and began to be emotional because other people have been telling her similar things and one lady even gave her a Bible. I asked if she had a car, if the car had a manual, and how I believe the Bible is a manual for our lives. She settled even more, I told her how I used to struggle with drug abuse. She admitted that she's recently relapsed and I basically let her know that I could recognize a lot of the symptoms. I made many suggestions, I offered tons of hope, I expressed how much her Father in Heaven loves her and is pursuing her, then I prayed for her. She will never be the same. I will call her when she gets off work at 5 today. I was made to lend hope.

There's nothing else like time with my mom

Here I am with Panda and Lucy (who we had to lock up when we ate because they got ferocious sense we were cooking bacon in their domain). Let me know if these are the things you had to worry about over your Christmas break...

Here is THE breakfast of Champions!! And this is my beloved mother adding paper to the fire.

Spending time with my mom is like being on a constant adventure! I often think to myself, "nobody I know is doing this right now." Let's take December 26, 2010 for example. We wake up to no electricity, which was a rude awakening considering her house only has space heaters and tends to be on the chilly side. So, no electricity added quite a twist to the climate. Her reaction was to jump back in bed and stay warm. Meanwhile, I had bacon on the brain and thought we should eat. So naturally... we get bundled up, clean the snow out of the fire pit in the back yard, and begin to make a fire. A slow process, mind you.

Here I am putting on a pair of her boots! Lots of layers!!!

Oh... did you think that was it? Well you are truly mistaken. You see, I ended up going to work with my mom at 3pm. I spent approximately 8 hours in this vacant room at an assisted living facility. Yes, I almost lost my mind. Luckily I had books to read, one of which I completed! Oh, and I managed to catch a mouse. I heard a shuffling noise and figured my mom was sliding a note under the door to mess with me, but sure enough it was a lil field mouse. Well I needed some activity in my life... so I chased it and caught it with my bare hands. NOT... it actually climbed into the trash can, so I just closed the bag up and took it to the nurse at the front desk... who called Security. Yuup, that mouse is getting locked up for breaking and entering!

If you'll notice, I didn't have many options, just a wheelchair, a desk, and a mattress. There was a bed in the other room but I didn't want to mess with that! The lighting was horrible, I kept rolling around trying to find the greatest amount of light so I wouldn't stress my eyes.

Here's the kicker, we got home around 11:30pm and went to sleep with NO ELECTRICITY. I thought I was gonna burst with anger, being that cold will make you angry! Plus I knew we could have gone back to her work and slept on that mattress and that bed :-)

PS, I cannot figure out for the life of me how to get the pictures with the correct words... I just wasted 30 minutes of my life trying to change it, in vain!

Real world, baby!

ok, so things are changing and I am hanging on for dear life. My emotions have been a lil raw(well, super raw) lately... I think it has something to do with my sobriety/ sold out to Jesus Birthday coming up. January 21st will mark 5 years that I have been alive in Christ and victorious over addictions- all Glory to God.

On the other hand, there is a ton of transition in and all around my life. For example- It's my second semester at ECU as a campus minister, but first ever Spring semester. My bossman, Nick Jones and his wife have recently taken on being the National Directors of Every Nation Campus Ministries, so Blake has rised up to be the director of Victory Campus Ministries. Nick and Heather will have their 3rd child in the next couple of weeks, a baby girl! Blake and Michelle are having a baby girl in several months, while Alan and Melissa will have a baby boy in several months. This matters because we are a small and tight nit team.

Our Pastor explained how this season of pressure and change is going to be like the transition that occurs in child birth. We're essentially going from the comfort of the womb... through the birth canal (OUCH!!!), to the REAL world! When he said that it's going to be "rocky", Laura noticed that the muscle near my temple began to twitch and pulsate. That was in direct correlation to my thoughts of, "OH, I tought I was experienceing ROCKY... if this isn't rocky..."

Speaking of babies, my brother is getting ready to have a second son and I am very excited for his family. Super excited to meet my new nephew!

And one of my great friends from college is pregnant which is far beyond exciting! It's an awesome testimony of God and His goodness, I'll share one day if she gives me permission! I cannot wait to meet her little baby, or possibly twins! hee hee

lil 'ol me in His Master Plan

So my church of 4 years celebrated it's 20 year anniversary a couple of weeks ago. And today, the campus ministry I'm a part of held a luncheon for our small group Bible study leaders, where 3 alumni spoke about their conversions and involvement with Victory Campus Ministry while they were at ECU.

Both of these events confirmed all that God has done through Greenville Christian Fellowship and how consistant He is. I am in complete awe of the church family He has set me in and how He allows me to contribute to something that has been steadily moving for 20 years!

Considering I am well aware of all that He's accomplished in my life over the past 4 years, I have tried multiplying that by 5 years, and hundreds of folks. I am blessed beyond belief by this overwhelming concept.

Things have barely changed, almost nothing has changed, to be exact. Pastor Mike, Pastor Eddie, and their wives have been continually surrounded by strong individuals who exhort them as they plug away day after day.

As I reflect on how steady and constant Jesus is, I notice lil 'ol me in the scheme of things. I yearn to make a difference, and He lets me! I desire to be a solid friend and example in others' lives, and He makes a way. I want to be great, He is great through me. I hope for more revelation of Him, He bestows it upon me. I grow weary, He strengthens me. I limit Him, He is limitless.

I have so much to learn, and sometimes I am not so sure about my motivation to learn (grow, and be stretched). But I am reminded that my feelings are not what matter, my obedience to move forward in spite of myself is what matters. And the rewards are unbelievable, they don't make sense, they follow the normal cause and effect correlation.

So as I face this new chapter of life- being a campus minister and a program coorinator for a company that provides tutoring to K-5th graders, I try to avoind asking God "Why" in order to focus on "How" He always makes a way, He always has a plan that is far above anything I could come up with, and He always loves me!

Hebrews 1:3 "And He is the radience of His glory and the exact representation of His nature, and upholds all things by the word of His power. When He had made purification of sins, He sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high,"

Lord You are Good

And your mercy endures forever.

This month marks 4 years that I have been in Greenville and so much has changed! Most of it's for the best, lots of it is bitter-sweet, and a little bit of it seems shocking.

I have been on quite a journey for the past two years, raising support. And I guess I imagined that the journey would end when my support team was complete... or something. I have no idea what I thought, but here I am in the midst of a brand new journey.

I have been on staff as a part-time campus minister for a whole week. I have been a program coordinator with A Step Above Tutoring for two whole days. And I am continuing to raise support. I spoke at a church tonight, which went well. As I rode home my mind was going in a hundred different directions, thinking of people I need to contact, follow-up, check-in with, so on and so forth. I was overwhelmed and God gives me what I need.

I received a text from a sister-in-Christ and a former UNCW classmate who, now, also lives in Greenville. I have not seen her in the past two years and we don't talk very often. I knew she'd had a stroke within the past year and meant to visit with her, but good intentions aren't enough. She wrote "I just said a prayer for you because the Spirit told me to and because I love you friend". I was moved and peaceful that the Lord moves so quickly when I am in need. So I made several calls and then called her. Already touched by her willingness to lift me up, I was further moved when I heard her precious little voice. The stroke affected her speech and I crumbled. Here she was caring for me when all I wanted to do was care for her. But she doesn't need me to do anything, she has a great attitude- mine is the one that needs some work. My perspective has been shifted. She knows when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em- I'm the one who struggles with taking it easy. She has her priorities straight, knows we're not promised tomorrow- I'm the one trying to get tomorrow's worries taken care of...

Thank you Lord.

No excuses No regrets

Ever since my missions experience to Baja, Mexico my urgency to spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ has increased. I am faced with the reality that I traveled quite a distance after raising quite a bit of money to reach people I'd never met before and may never meet again. My confidence was ignited, I spoke with excitement in front of the 83 other missionaries I'd traveled with as well as a crowd of Mexicans who came to hear the good news we had for them. And here I am, back in NC wondering why I haven't told my loved ones and my neighbors about Jesus dying for them to have freedom while here on this Earth and an eternity of life in Heaven.

A while back, I saw a fella who was born without legs talking about how he doens't make excuses. He did everything I do on a daily basis and so much more. Well, I have never forgotten him and try to follow his lead. I still make tons of lame excuses, but will remember his example and try to step up to the plate. Well, my new desire to not have any regrets goes hand in hand with not making excuses. For example, I would regret not telling a loved one that Jesus loves him or her... so natually I have to let go of the excuses which have kept me from sharing Christ's love thus far. I have begun stepping out in faith and obedience and trust God to lead them into His glory as my friends, family, and neighbors step out of their lives as they know them into His Kingdom and righteousness.

I have been in "Baja" or Rosarita Mexico for the past several days. God has surely multiplied the time, because the team of 80 that i am with has built a church, a house, a school house, thrown a fiesta (sports games, face painting, a clown with balloons, arts and crafts, etc.) where we fed 500 locals, street evangelized, worshipped God, eaten a bunch, taken a 40 minute bus ride to and from the site, well... this could go on and on.

Let me tell you about what God has done in my lil ol life. My prayers were that I would become selfless, see people changed for Christ, and for an urgency to burn in me that I'll be able to take home. My prayers have been answered already and the best day is yet to come (tomorrow we hand the keys of the church to the Pastor). God has shown me His love for me through a 5 years old named Kevin. While visiting the school, I had the honor of drawing pictures with a kindergarten class. After about 20 minutes of doing my best at sign language- having no clue what these precious children were saying to me and them having no clue what I was saying- I asked La Lo, the translator, to let Kevin know I wasn't ignoring him but that I simply couldn't respond. La Lo did, and then asked if there was anything Kevin wanted to tell me... he wanted to tell me that he loved me! This was enough for me- my trip was already made worth while.

And today, Kevin and his mom were at the fiesta! God is good, all the time! And He loves all His creation!

Well, I've had one of the hugest days of my life... I am going to rest, but there is more to come. And pictures once I get home...