How falling apart builds others up.

1 Peter 1: 6-7 "In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.
All my life I have struggled with the desire (or, actually, the lie from the pit of hell) to be perfect. In the past few weeks I have dealt with a ton of stress, worry, anxiety, self-pity, and self-righteousness... bad combo, I wouldn't try this at home! Last week I was with a group of people who gather for the common purpose of living a better life, one day at a time. I sat amongst my friends, pondering 'What's the deal Steph? What's wrong with you?' Then it hit me. In an effort to 'have it all together' (one of perfection's many faces) I had placed the expectation on myself that 'I should be well adjusted'.
Instead of giving myself grace and mercy, instead of being easy on me during this first holiday season 1200 miles away from home; away from my bff who just happens to be preparing for one of the most important and exciting days of her life (being a long distance Maid of Honor); away from my 4 year old, and 9 month old nephews; healing from losing a job and umm, BEGINNING another job; moving several times; and praising God through it all because He is Mighty and worthy of my adoration. Yuup, I SHOULD be fine, I should be well adjusted... what I really need is to quit "shoulding" all over myself. How's about loving myself, encouraging myself, letting other's words of affirmation sink in.
So, back to the meeting where this revelation hit me. A girl came up to me afterward, to give me a hug because I was crying and falling apart. She told me, "Stephanie, this is the second time I have looked at you from across the room and thought to myself, 'look at her, she's moved all the way from NC and is doing so well, I've only moved from an hour away, I need to be more like her'" This is where I cut her off and inserted, "I am so glad that my mess can prove to you that perfection is not the goal." We laughed together and processed the deep truth of the fact that perfection is a form of insanity. A week has passed now, she and I went out for lunch today to further our conversation. She's just 21 years old and is thankful I'm in her life. My willingness to be brutally honest about my experiences encourages others. Who'd a thunk it?
What a relief to be a real, genuine person today. How nice it is to 'let it all hang out', the Lord blesses me with ample opportunities to remain humble. Others can relate to my mess, not to a false ideal of who I think I should be. I ask the Lord to use me, and He is so faithful. I am not to place parameters on what "Lord, use me" is going to look like. It turns out "The foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength." (1 Corinthians 1:25).
I think that's all I wanted to say. It takes what it takes to get where I'm going. I hope you'll press in to what God's doing in your life.